Not everyone loves Nutella (and it’s okay).
It’s hard to believe it, I know. The smooth, thick chocolate that spreads so easily over warm toast and melts into every corner, every hole in the bread and round the crusts. That special nutty, sweet, creamy flavour that makes my tastebuds excited just at the thought. Sometimes, I love Nutella so much that I just grab a spoon and fill it, or one of my fingers if I just can’t wait… And yet, with it’s addictively mouth-watering flavour, there are still people who just don’t like it. Because well, they just don’t.
Not everyone loves Nutella (and it’s okay).
So this isn’t really all about Nutella, but the reason I’m using it as an example is because it’s something – like all things in life – that some people like, and some people don’t. Like you. And like me. Some people like you, some people don’t. Some people like me, some people don’t. And you know what? That is okay. I’m going to tell you why.
It can be difficult at the start to realise that you’re not everyone’s cup of tea, flavour of crisps, or whatever you want to call it. When you learn that someone isn’t as fond of Nutella as you, you will probably (if you are as deeply in love with the chocolate spread as I am) feel in disbelief, shock, maybe even hurt… and question it. This is the same when you learn that someone just simply isn’t that fond of you – and it is the acceptance that they are allowed to form their own opinions of you that will allow you to continue being happy, loving and living a fulfilling life as opposed to being miserable, questioning yourself and wondering how you can possibly please every human that walks on the earth. Because I’m sorry, but you can’t. And again, that is okay.
I think the reason we feel like this when we realise that not everyone in the world loves us as much as we would like to be loved is because deep down, we are all people pleasers. Now, I know some of you might jump to say that you are not, but really think about it.
You are to some extent, a people pleaser. And… that is okay – in fact, it is completely normal.
Why do I think that everyone is a people pleaser? Let me tell you why I have come to that conclusion.
It’s simple. We all want to be loved, respected, admired and at peace. We want to be happy and friendly and we want to worry less. We all want to be able to give love and receive the same love in return and most importantly in my opinion, we all want to feel comfortable in our own skin.
Therefore, because of our desire for all of this, we try so hard to make people around us happy and please them even when at times it feels impossible. Sometimes, it will be impossible – and yes, it’s okay!
We all want inner peace and we are all in the same boat when it comes to wanting everyone to like us, but it actually makes life harder – because by being clones of one another we could potentially all lose our identities, and what is life without variation and difference?! We are unique!
If you think that you’ve never tried to please others, think about this: have you ever changed your hair, bought new clothes (maybe more expensive than you could afford), change your opinion of something to agree with another or said yes when you want to say no?
I thought so.
Dr. Harriet B Braiker, clinical psychologist and self-help author calls this the “disease to please”. And she is so right. Trying to please everyone can have huge effect on the one person that really matters – you. It can create anxiety and stress and decrease your confidence in yourself, because if you dwell on the fact that somebody doesn’t like you as much as you want them to then your spirit is dampened and the self-assurance that you should have disappears. You have to learn to accept that it is alright for some people not to fit together like a jigsaw yet to still be at peace with one another with mutual understanding, and most importantly, you can be confident with who you are and not feel damaged. This way, you will be able to be kind to everyone and at the same time, love yourself.
But how can you feel comfortable in your own skin if you know some people don’t like you?
Because – to put it bluntly, you are amazing.
All you have to do is take a few minutes to think about your place and existence in the universe to feel special and worthy if you haven’t been told how loved you are in a while. Each and every little part of you is unique, you are the only one that ever was of you, and you are full of qualities that make you wonderful.
Yes, every human being has traits that make them amazing and some qualities that are perhaps more negative, but it is so important that you always possess honesty and that you are true to who you are.
Why should I be myself if there is always someone who won’t like me? Some people might ask.
Because, let me tell you, in the famous words of Dr. Seuss;
Be who YOU are, say what YOU feel, because those who mind don’t matter, and those who matter don’t mind.
The people who don’t like you for who you are can be tolerated, yes. You should accept them for who they are and always be pleasant and kind… but their opinion of you and who you are as a person doesn’t matter – think about it and smile. It doesn’t matter at all! You are special, you are loved and you are the only one of you in the universe. Wow.
Those people who matter to you and who you matter to won’t mind at all who you are. In fact, they will love you and care for you and always want what is best for you. If you are going through a challenging time they will help you, support you and nurture you. They don’t mind who you are, they adore you for it!
Think of yourself as that jar of Nutella.
Some people like you. Some people don’t. And you know what? That is completely and utterly one-hundred percent okay.
Find your frequency, love your qualities and keep being you.